Types of Children

In the many parenting books we have many choices of how to label our kids many times laden with medical and psychological terms that make you wish you had forked over the extra years in college just to be able to help be a better parent. Having worked with children for a third of my life in various ways you begin to see patterns like that of a long range science experiment. I tend to see that children are like juices where they are all in the same category but some of them are sweet and some of them have a bitter aftertaste…Some are a little ripe in the pre-adolescent and adolescent ages and we all know any of them can go bad…

So here are some of my classifications for parents to ponder ..

The “It Better Be Me” child

This child reveres the world with a entitlement and best of the best expectations. He/she may not be told very often. They play a Midas game of “I Spy” where everything they see somehow becomes theirs. This child experiences little to no consequences or experiences a few moments of conflict yet throws a big enough tantrum or has a faux life trauma in order to override any threat to their current comfort level and existence. This child thinks that because they belong to the group or have a certain name or title that all rights and no responsibilities come with it. Parents with this type of child either use parenting books a door stops or need interpreters to explain them.

The “Of Course It Will Be Me” child

This child is comfortable in their own skin from day one. They are outgoing and often seen as born leaders. When a situation arises they are the first ones to raise their hand or volunteer. Many times this child is seen as having no cares in the world and no problems to worry about. Sometimes viewed as the dream child because they follow the instruction booklet on how to be a good kid, these kids can also find themselves with complicated problems that they do not know how to ask for help or communicate their needs. For theses children most tasks come easy for them and rising to the top seems effortless at the cost of stress and worry to be “perfect”. This child may experience extreme reactions to when situations don’t go as how they expect even with their intelligent and strong natures. Nurturing and sensible parents will help this child find balance and be the light of the future.

The “It Will Be Me “ child

A child with more determination than any other quality in their arsenal. This child is taught from day one that they can accomplish anything their heart and faith desires with hard work and focus. Constantly and consistently working toward their goals, the path can sometimes not be wide enough for the “other” aspects of childhood in their lives. Parents can also jump on their “magic carpet” of goals and live vicariously through that child leaving behind a myriad of childhood experiences and chances for exploration and reflection. Without time to smell the roses the end of the road for this child and the “Of Course It Will Be Me” child can become a emotionless list of tasks completed. They are the Cinderella stories and the heroes for the next generation to believe in.


The “Why Isn’t It Me “ child

A very smart and observant child is this child. Many reasons can put a child in this category and often children of other categories can slip in this group on an occasion but this child lives there. A child that is intelligent, confident and has the skills to accomplish much of what they set their minds to, yet for some reason do not accomplish these tasks. This child is aware of what is on the other side of the tracks and somehow believes the grass is greener on the other side. Attempting to be the rule follower things just don’t seem to be just right or work out the same ways as others. This child knows there is something better out there for them but just doesn’t know how to reach it. Parents of this child are providing the right messages but may be giving conflicting responses or messages by example. Parents may even be assuming or missing a crucial step in the process. This child needs more in depth details of how to get from point A to point B even if the path seems simple and clear to the parent. Reassurance and clear direction can change the perception from the glass half empty to half full or better view of life.

The “It Will Never Be Me “ child

We know these children. All of us have one within our eye’s view. This child is the one who is lost and has no hope for ever accomplishing anything. A child enduring various types of abuse, neglect, or just cruel disappointments one right after another with no one to support them. Often seen as a misbehaved child is really just a misunderstood child. In their world any attention is beneficial whether good or bad and it does not matter who it is from. They have no reverence for rules or boundaries because in their world it is either a child’s free reign or so stifled with ridiculous rules regarding the way they exist. Without love and hope from a pseudo parent to guide their steps in the right direction along the way this child will stumble, fail and be lost always.


As parents we are given the task to watch over our children and guide their life. What kind of child are you raising? How are you guiding their life and futures?

Maybe another question we should be asking is to ourselves, what kind of child are we ?

Maybe a more clear question would be , what kind of child of God are you ?

Often times I have heard people say that children do not come with an instruction booklet so you just do your best. Yet they do. We do have a Book written by a loving parent that can clearly guide us in not only the ways to help our children but ourselves. Before you pick up the next parenting article or book, consult the ultimate Parent because you are the “I Am Loved Eternally” child

Lost Piece of the Puzzle

Pondering the purpose of life, a life that entered by chance but not by accident I am sure. Seeing into the eyes of this young person there was a deep longing within them.
A longing for purpose and reason.
A longing for a place to call home, yet what was the definition of home anyway?

As I sat down in my thoughts about this young person, they wandered to how I could start a conversation knowing I was a complete stranger to them and explain that I could feel what was going on inside them. Of course I only know vague details of the travels in such a short journey to this point, but their soul spoke volumes to mine.

I want to begin the conversation with this young person in that I just want them to keep an open mind to what I was about to say. Although I resemble many of the other adults in some ways I also differ in that I have a perspective that lives in my every day choices, a remembrance from where I came from. I realize the first objection would lie in the argument “you don’t know me” or “why do you care”. I know to carefully and strategically choose my words.

To explain to this young person that where you live now is like feeding baby food to someone who has tasted steak and potatoes. Freedoms and adult experiences have come far too early in your life and to have it stripped from you is frustrating and stifling. People can not begin to understand that your values are not the same as the rest of the world. The fairy tale ending of happy ever after does not exist as the bitter sweet taste of reality set in when the foundation of family was crushed before you had the chance to even realize the value of it.

In place of comfort and self assurance were embedded deep insecurities of “why am I not important enough” or “what did I do wrong”. The lingering question of “why me” is more like a metallic aftertaste as a result of a chemotherapy treatment. Neither experience one of choice but one of intestinal and fortitudinal fate. “That’s the way the cookie crumbles” has no meaning for you because you never had the cookie, not in its splendor when it was warm, fresh and enjoyable. You have experienced more heartbreak than any soap opera in existence, yet I would not expect you to admit that. To open your heart at this moment would acknowledge the deep wounds and allow the pain to begin oozing to the surface. Keeping it masked under rage and risk taking behaviors is much more manageable.

Living a frivolous carefree life provides the sense of a forward moving future even though the baggage of time makes you angry and often weary from the weight of it all. A self centered focus is not really a selfish attitude but a means for survival. The only dependable person is you. Defeated and tired, the thoughts of giving up complete existence are just beneath the skin and you find it amazing how each day continues to go by.

Why you? I am sure is a question screaming throughout your mind.

You, because I feel your soul crying out to find your path in an overgrown and overwrought system that tends to forget the processes of growth are just as important as making it to maturity. I do not see a young person that is to be treated as a piece of furniture that is moved from place to place to see where it will fit best. I see you as a key piece of a puzzle that will create a picture of the future, jumbled in with many other pieces. I value you because I know that without you, the future will never be complete and even just one empty space will always remind us that things are not right. Many puzzle solvers may feel overwhelmed and leave everything in a jumbled mess, others might find the puzzle too hard and move on to something new, yet please believe me there are many out there who want to gloriously complete the puzzle as it was intended by the Designer.

Patience and faith to find the attributes of where your place is in this world, is a necessity during what can feel like a painstaking process.

Know that someone is holding you in their heart and prayers, hoping to help you find your place in life’s puzzle.

I realize that seeing is believing and you have no reason to believe having seen the depths of pain and betrayal many can only imagine. The universal truths of a mother’s love, a daddy’s pride and joy, and a family bond are meaningless. It is the same for other catch phrases that the human race bounces around to appear productive but actually go absolutely nowhere.

Allow me the opportunity to share your space and time, to find other absolutes that do not rely on human frailties and pompousness, but those offered through me by a true Father and heavenly family.

I will be waiting …..
He will be waiting…..

The silence may linger between us, but to share this moment I would hope would be priceless and potentially life changing for both of us…

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My prayer tonight will be to share this conversation not only this young person who has come into my life recently but others who are need of hearing it.

To those who read this and know of a young person in need of guidance, take the moments to help them find where their puzzle piece will go. We have too many young people who do not know where they fit into this world or if at all.

Let us all be a part of puzzle solving